Last month, I visited a beautiful jewelry boutique downtown Toronto, bluboho. Interestingly enough, bluboho also has a location in my hometown, Oakville, and that was the location that initially introduced me to the brand. Displaying an eclectic collection of pieces made of precious metals and stones, bluboho holds a special place in the hearts of many, and now mine. Carefully curated handcrafted fine jewelry, each piece at bluboho brings about a story to transcend. A story to tell for anyone that is interested in gifting a unique piece to their loved ones. While I was at the boutique picking out three favourite pieces, I could not help but think about the charm that hides behind bluboho. bluboho wants to make the shopping experience for each costumer unique. Similar to a fortune cookie, there is a tray of little notes by the cashier where each customer can choose their own little “fortune message”. Cheryl said some individuals prefer to read through the notes and pick the one that suites them the best, while others pick a random note from the pile. I decided to draw a note without seeing the message, to make the experience more special. The note I picked? You my darling matter. The free spirited energy of the store, my heartfelt chat with one of the owners, Cheryl, let alone the gold rings that are now beautifully being worn on my fingers, and the note I picked, stirred a sense of wonder in me. I left the store in deep thought. I came home and the thoughts started pouring in.
You my darling matter. I kept repeating the sentence to myself. How often have you said that to yourself lately? Or ever for that matter? There seems to be a misconception or even rather an expectation that your 30s are for settling down. Your 30s are meant to be the age of maturity, the age you have your life figured out. Your 30s are for having a family. By 30, let alone 31, you are supposed to have your life figured out. Oh boy. There is nothing bohemian about a life of musts and shoulds.
Who decided that all these elements of your life need to be in tact by 30? How can anyone have their life figured out by 30 when essentially you have a lifetime. Last year on my birthday I shared one of my favourite articles I have written. 30 and unmarried. 31 now and still unmarried, yet my mind is filled with perplex questions. I want a life of questions, a life with challenges and journeys never traveled before. I want a life that pushes me to figure out things everyday. A life I can actually live and learn. A bluboho life. Commitment to myself to make myself matter to my own self. Perseverance to never be satisfied and to search the world for truths, for love, for a happy life. o why the pressure embedded in our minds to have everything by the age of 30?
Some people are so amazing their lives are figured out before 30, and that on its own is quite an accomplishment. But for the rest of us I want to say that it is ok if it is not. I am still being asked when I am going to get married, when I am going to have kids. But no one has ever asked ” Do you want to get married? Do you want to have kids?” You would think that matters. But no one has asked me that. Why can we not be unpredictable like the deep blue ocean? Calm one moment and ravaging waves the next? The problem lies with the fact that society will assume. Individuals will assume what is the logical next step. They assume what you should want. They assume what life will bring next. But what is so wrong about wanting to take care of yourself first and foremost? Even in your 30s? I am actually more selfish than I have ever been. I am driven to bring things that I want in my life. To see, to live, to explore. Things that may not necessarily involve marriage or a stable job, or all those things that the so called “stable life” is supposed to bring.
But what is selfish? And why have we defined selfish as a negative word? Is it selfish to want more things for yourself? Is it selfish to blur the lines where your limits and boundaries used to be? Is it selfish to want to be fulfilled, more than you already are? Is it selfish to want to explore yourself and meet worlds never seen before? To discover, to learn, to create. To reach your sublime. To know, that you have cultivated a version of yourself you feel proud of first.
*Photography by Laura Clarke Photography
Maybe I did it backwards. Maybe I was supposed to be selfish in my 20s and giving in my 30s. But who is to say what is right and wrong in your life other than you?
Because you my darling, matter.
Thank you to bluboho and Cheryl for inspiring this post.